The average age for Americans to get married is 27 years old. At the same time, there are approximately 37 million people in the United States with outstanding student loans – and that number continues to grow. According to recent studies, that breaks down to the following:
- Under 30: 14 million student loan borrowers
- 31-40: 10.6 million student loan borrowers
And given that there are roughly 50 million Americans in the 20-40 age range, the odds of at least one spouse having student loan debt is huge: about 50%.
So, even if you don't have student loan debt, it's important that each spouse going into a marriage to know what to do with student loan debt, how it can affect both of their finances, and the implications of the debt on their marriage.
When Only One Spouse Has Student Loan Debt
The biggest cause for divorce in the United States is money and finances. Student loan debt plays a huge part in that, especially when only one spouse has student loans. In this situation, it's important for each spouse to know and understand the rules of student loan debt.
First, one spouse isn't liable for the other spouse's loans taken out during college. For example, if the husband took our Federal student loans to pay for school, his wife isn't responsible for the debt, even if they are married. So, if the spouse with student loans dies, the surviving spouse doesn't have to pay them back. Even if you were married when you took out the loans, only the spouse that took them out is on the hook for them.
However, no matter how you handle your finances as a married couple (jointly, separate accounts, etc.), each spouse has to realize that a portion of the income coming in will be going to these loans. So, even if only one spouse has loans, the joint income of the marriage will inevitably be going to pay them off.
The important thing to remember is that you're a team, so even if one spouse has debt and the other doesn't, you need to work together to pay them off.
How Student Loan Debt Can Hurt A Marriage
The sad fact is that student loans do hurt marriages, especially when only one spouse has them.
Here are the typical scenarios when student loans become a problem:
- Resentment: This happens when the debt free spouse becomes resentful of having to help pay for the other spouse's student loan debt. This is the most common way student loans hurt a marriage and it also typically involves the debt free spouse earning more than the spouse with student loans.
- Poor Debt Choices: This happens when the borrower with student loans makes poor choices with their student loans and it hurts the future of the marriage. For example, going into forbearance and hurting their credit score, which could prevent the couple from buying a house together in the future.
- Not Creating A Plan Together: This happens when the spouse with student loans just feels alone and helpless financially in the marriage. Even if you choose to maintain separate accounts while married, you still need to create a plan for your debt together.
- Moving Solo Debt To Couple Debt: This can be the worst – when you take an individual student loan and make it the legal burden of both couples. This can happen in several ways:
- Refinancing the debt with private loans where both spouses are cosigners. By doing this, you make what was once an individual's student loan, and make both spouses responsible.
- Using home equity to pay off the student loan debt. If you have equity in your home, it's joint money. However, some couples use that equity to pay off one person's student loan debt, but all that really does is shift the debt from the individual to the couple.
The common trend here is trust and partnership. With all of these scenarios, the couples don't act like partners in paying off the debt. As a result, one spouse or the other feels burdened or upset about it. When you marry someone, you marry them with all of their baggage – including their student loans. So, just like anything else, accept them for that and make a plan together to pay it off.
Creating A Plan For Paying Off Student Loan Debt
The path to success when you're married with student loan debt is to create a joint plan to pay it off. Now, this doesn't mean that one spouse pays off another one's student loan debt. But it does mean that there is acceptance of the debt, as well as teamwork to deal with it.
First, both spouses need to understand and know how much debt they have, where it's located, the interest rate, and how much the monthly payment is. Too many couples skip this step and simply ignore it because “it's the other spouse's problem”. Well guess what – you're a team. It's not just one spouse's problem, it's your family unit's problem.
Step two is to make sure that the repayment plan you're currently on makes sense for your family. Can you afford it? Would it be better to switch to a different repayment plan? You can learn more about student loan repayment plans in our Definitive Guide To Student Loan Debt.
Once you know your debt load, and have a repayment plan, you have to decide how to pay the monthly payments. I'm a believer that this should come out of the couple's joint monthly pot, especially if you're working at the debt as a team. However, you could set it up to pay it separately if you choose. My only challenge to you is this: what happens if one spouse is struggling to make those payments alone? How will they feel? How will it impact your marriage? This is a discussion you need to have if the spouse with student loans couldn't afford them on their own. This is where the tension will arise, but having agreement on this issue will make the entire issue better!
Finally, you need to stick to your commitments, follow through on the plan, and not judge each other for the debt. When you finally become student loan debt free, you will feel so much stronger as a couple for tackling this issue together. I promise.
Do you have any tips for tackling student loan debt as a married couple?
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My wife and I both had a decent amount of student loan debt when we got married. Luckily, we had about the same amount and were on the same page with trying to get it paid off as quick as possible. One of these should be paid off before the end of the year and the other one will be soon to follow it!
While I can see that point – it was your debt – you also have to look forward: it’s your joint future. If that setup makes you both comfortable, then continue with it. But be mindful of what your common goals are.
I really appreciate this post. I have several tabs open on my browser right now full of different advice and you are the only one so far who not only takes the emotional perspective (of BOTH couples), you’re also not a complete jerk. Most of the advice I have been reading is “Don’t marry someone with debt.” Thanks for telling me I’m unworthy of a loving and legally binding relationship because I grew up in poverty but still wanted to get myself that magical piece of paper, internet! My husband is student loan-free. I am not. I am just finishing my masters up this coming June and I have been truly beside myself about feeling like even though I’m going to be a very educated individual, half of my salary is going to be dedicated to student loans. Your article made me realize that I do have an amazing husband who always treats both our successes and our downfalls as a team effort. I will not take that for granted again. Thanks, Robert.
Glad it was helpful for you. When you’re married you’re a team – that means helping each other through whatever. And hopefully your education will boost your income and in 5+ year’s you’ll be glad you finished your education.
Unfortunately my soon to be wife (haven’t proposed) has 50k student loans. Unfortunately I just will not be getting married to her if she has that. She completely understands. She has a good job and will eventually pay it off. I will help but I do not want to be legally obligated to do so. I myself have 0 student loan debt whatsoever. I paid for college each semester up front. So until she has under 15k student loans I just wont be marrying her and she agrees. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s marrying me just for financial help. My view though is a guy who graduates with no debt and a 45k to 50k salary will have about 20 to 25 grand atleast saved up if done right in 10 years at most. A person who graduates with 50k loans and a 100k salary is gonna have close to no money really saved up in 10 years. By that time after interest paid the loans are gonna be more than 50k. so the guy with no debt will have a positive bank account north of 25k and the person with debt who probably just paid the debt off might have 5k.
what a horrible reason not to marry someone! If your state doesn’t recognize student loan debt as joint debt when you become married, then it’s an even dumber reason. Actually sounds more like an excuse! Why would SHE or YOU for that matter feel like she’s only marrying you for the money if she has a good paying job now and is already paying on her loans? Unless of course you are worried that the moment you get married she’s going to quit her job and live off of you. It just doesn’t sound like to love to me if you are viewing marriage from a contracts law perspective but hey, different strokes! Hope you two are happy when you’re 80.
“This happens when the borrower with student loans makes poor choices with their student loans and it hurts the future of the marriage. ”
What about when the non-borrowing spouse is the one who makes poor choices with the other spouse’s loans?
The borrower can have resentments, too, if both benefit from the loan, but only one has the noose around their neck.
Very true. Debt breeds resentment if not handled well.
I’m not at the point of retiring any time soon.. but with the federal student loan debt i have.. i’m afraid may carry out.. although it is not my intention to have student loan debts when i retire.. but i have to be prepared.. i do plan on consolidating my loans..
My question(S)
1. If I am married and I default, will the government take money from my husbands retirement?
2. what provisions should I take?
3. I guess my main concern is that my husband does not get affected by my student loans.. like i said i don’t plan on defaulting..
I just don’t want my retirement money to be taken over my student loans… my goal is to save for retirement and make as minimum monthly payment on my student loans..
any advise?
Hi Juliet,
1. No, they cannot take your husband’s retirement. However, they can take some portion of a joint tax return you file.
2. ?? Don’t know what this means
3. Then don’t default and work your debt together
My biggest advice is that you tackle your debt together, especially if you plan on being married forever. You’re a team, so act like one.
If you can’t afford your debt, get on a repayment plan where you can. There is never a reason to default.
My question is my husband starts to pay back his college loans then stops. He is now a year behind. They won’t talk to me because I’m not on the loans. I would rather they take it out of his personnel checking account automatically. He had these loans way before we were married. I was unaware until we were married he had this large debit. How can I get him to start paying them back. I have been taking on more bills so he can do this. Please help. ..really frustrated.
Hi Kay,
Family finances is always a tough subject. I’m a firm believer in the joint-pot method (it sounds like you have separate accounts right now). Both yours and his paycheck should be deposited into one account. No hiding money and bills. It sounds like you’re the more responsible one, so you should ensure all payments are made. Then, you can live on what’s left over.
You need to pull his credit report on annualcreditreport.com and see what else he’s hiding. Then call him out on it and give him the gameplan you want to pursue.
It won’t be easy, but transparency is key.
My wife has $200k in student loans. We tried to buy a house this last summer. But with her loans we have to have $80k down payment. We are in California. If we was to get a divorce I could quickly qualify for FHA loan with 2% down. After we find our house we can remarry. Is this a possible way around this huge down payment because of her loans? I don’t think we will ever be able to pay off her loans or save $80k.
Shop around for your mortgage. While you might not get an FHA loan, you probably can find one that can be 5% or 10% down.
Use a mortgage broker versus a bank.
Hey robert i have a question .my wife has a student loan shes had it before we got married.the state takes my tax return so far every year.how can i get them to stop making me pay for it.if i file seperate could they still take my money if we file seperatelycause it is her debit not mine sincerely. Outrage husband erik
If you don’t owe any of the debt being offset, you can ask that your share of the join return not be impacted by filing a form 8379 Injured Spouse Relief. Here is the info: https://www.irs.gov/uac/form-8379-injured-spouse-allocation
However, you are both a couple, so you should work together to get her loans out of default. By the IRS taking her refund, it goes to the debt collector and not to her loans. She will basically never pay them off going this route. Here is what you need to do: http://thecollegeinvestor.com/15577/student-loan-rehabilitation/
My wife took out 50,000 for an online Master’s degree. We have since separated. Is this debt affecting my debt to income ratio since my social sec # is on the loan. Which, by the way, I did not agree to or sign anything. She just did it.
Yes, it is because if you’re on the loan, you are just as responsible. If you didn’t agree to it, you should consult a lawyer about this.