The average age for Americans to get married is 27 years old. At the same time, there are approximately 37 million people in the United States with outstanding student loans — and that number continues to grow.
According to recent studies, that breaks down to the following:
- Under age 30: 14 million student loan borrowers
- Ages 31–40: 10.6 million student loan borrowers
And given that there are roughly 50 million Americans in the 20–40 age range, the odds of at least one spouse having student loan debt is huge: about 50%.
So, even if you don’t have student loan debt, it’s important for each spouse going into a marriage to know what to do with student loan debt, how it can affect both of their finances, and the implications of the debt on their marriage.
When Only One Spouse Has Student Loan Debt
The biggest cause for divorce in the United States is money and finances. Student loan debt plays a huge part in that, especially when only one spouse has student loans. In this situation, it’s important for each spouse to know and understand the rules of student loan debt.
First, one spouse isn’t liable for the other spouse’s loans taken out during college. For example, if the husband took out Federal student loans to pay for school, his wife isn’t responsible for the debt, even if they are married.
So, if the spouse with student loans dies, the surviving spouse doesn’t have to pay them back. Even if you were married when you took out the loans, only the spouse that took them out is on the hook for them.
However, no matter how you handle your finances as a married couple (jointly, with separate accounts, etc.), each spouse has to realize that a portion of the income coming in will be going to these loans. So, even if only one spouse has loans, the joint income of the marriage will inevitably be going to pay them off.
The important thing to remember is that you’re a team, so even if one spouse has debt and the other doesn’t, you need to work together to pay it off.
How Student Loan Debt Can Hurt a Marriage
The sad fact is that student loans do hurt marriages, especially when only one spouse has them.
The following are the typical scenarios when student loans become a problem.
Resentment
This happens when the debt-free spouse becomes resentful of having to help pay for the other spouse’s student loan debt. This is the most common way student loans hurt a marriage and it also typically involves the debt-free spouse earning more than the spouse with student loans.
Poor Debt Choices
This happens when the borrower with student loans makes poor choices with their student loans and it hurts the future of the marriage. For example, going into forbearance and hurting their credit score, which could prevent the couple from buying a house together in the future.
Not Creating a Plan Together
This happens when the spouse with student loans just feels alone and helpless financially in the marriage. Even if you choose to maintain separate accounts while married, you still need to create a plan for your debt together.
Moving Solo Debt to Couple Debt
This can be the worst — when you take an individual student loan and make it the legal burden of both spouses. This can happen in several ways:
- Refinancing the debt with private student loans where both spouses are cosigners. By doing this, you make what was once an individual’s student loan, and make both spouses responsible.
- Using home equity to pay off the student loan debt. If you have equity in your home, it’s joint money. However, some couples use that equity to pay off one person’s student loan debt, but all that really does is shift the debt from the individual to the couple.
The common trend here is trust and partnership. With all of these scenarios, the couples don’t act like partners in paying off the debt. As a result, one spouse or the other feels burdened or upset about it.
When you marry someone, you marry them with all of their baggage — including their student loans. So, just like anything else, accept them with that and make a plan together to pay them off.
Creating a Plan for Paying Off Student Loan Debt
The path to success when you’re married with student loan debt is to create a joint plan to pay it off. Now, this doesn’t mean that one spouse pays off another one’s student loan debt. But it does mean that there is acceptance of the debt, as well as teamwork to deal with it.
First, both spouses need to understand and know how much debt they have, where it’s located, the interest rate, and how much the monthly payment is. Too many couples skip this step and simply ignore it because “it’s the other spouse’s problem.” Well, guess what — you’re a team. It’s not just one spouse’s problem, it’s your family unit’s problem.
Step two is to make sure that the repayment plan you’re currently on makes sense for your family. Can you afford it? Would it be better to switch to a different repayment plan?
Once you know your debt load, and have a repayment plan, you have to decide how to pay the monthly payments. I’m a believer that this should come out of the couple’s joint monthly pot, especially if you’re working at the debt as a team.
However, you could set it up to pay it separately if you choose. My only challenge to you is this: what happens if one spouse is struggling to make those payments alone? How will they feel? How will it impact your marriage?
This is a discussion you need to have if the spouse with student loans can’t afford them on their own. This is where the tension will arise, but having agreement on this issue will make the entire issue better!
Finally, you need to stick to your commitments, follow through on the plan, and not judge each other for the debt. When you finally become free of student loan debt, you will feel so much stronger as a couple for tackling this issue together. I promise.
Do you have any tips for tackling student loan debt as a married couple?
Thias @Wealth Hike says
My wife and I both had a decent amount of student loan debt when we got married. Luckily, we had about the same amount and were on the same page with trying to get it paid off as quick as possible. One of these should be paid off before the end of the year and the other one will be soon to follow it!
Robert Farrington says
While I can see that point – it was your debt – you also have to look forward: it’s your joint future. If that setup makes you both comfortable, then continue with it. But be mindful of what your common goals are.
Samantha says
I really appreciate this post. I have several tabs open on my browser right now full of different advice and you are the only one so far who not only takes the emotional perspective (of BOTH couples), you’re also not a complete jerk. Most of the advice I have been reading is “Don’t marry someone with debt.” Thanks for telling me I’m unworthy of a loving and legally binding relationship because I grew up in poverty but still wanted to get myself that magical piece of paper, internet! My husband is student loan-free. I am not. I am just finishing my masters up this coming June and I have been truly beside myself about feeling like even though I’m going to be a very educated individual, half of my salary is going to be dedicated to student loans. Your article made me realize that I do have an amazing husband who always treats both our successes and our downfalls as a team effort. I will not take that for granted again. Thanks, Robert.
Robert Farrington says
Glad it was helpful for you. When you’re married you’re a team – that means helping each other through whatever. And hopefully your education will boost your income and in 5+ year’s you’ll be glad you finished your education.
Jerry says
Unfortunately my soon to be wife (haven’t proposed) has 50k student loans. Unfortunately I just will not be getting married to her if she has that. She completely understands. She has a good job and will eventually pay it off. I will help but I do not want to be legally obligated to do so. I myself have 0 student loan debt whatsoever. I paid for college each semester up front. So until she has under 15k student loans I just wont be marrying her and she agrees. She doesn’t want to feel like she’s marrying me just for financial help. My view though is a guy who graduates with no debt and a 45k to 50k salary will have about 20 to 25 grand atleast saved up if done right in 10 years at most. A person who graduates with 50k loans and a 100k salary is gonna have close to no money really saved up in 10 years. By that time after interest paid the loans are gonna be more than 50k. so the guy with no debt will have a positive bank account north of 25k and the person with debt who probably just paid the debt off might have 5k.
Bebe says
what a horrible reason not to marry someone! If your state doesn’t recognize student loan debt as joint debt when you become married, then it’s an even dumber reason. Actually sounds more like an excuse! Why would SHE or YOU for that matter feel like she’s only marrying you for the money if she has a good paying job now and is already paying on her loans? Unless of course you are worried that the moment you get married she’s going to quit her job and live off of you. It just doesn’t sound like to love to me if you are viewing marriage from a contracts law perspective but hey, different strokes! Hope you two are happy when you’re 80.
Michael says
You know nothing. I married a woman with only $10K in student loans. We are a single income family (my income) & she refused to make payments – so – they take half my tax returns every year. To date, I’ve paid $9K into that fugging loan but because she won’t set up payments it all goes to interest & she now owes $12K even with the $9k I’ve paid so far. This guy is just protecting himself, & rightfully so. NEVER trust someone’s “good intentions”. It will cost you in the end.
CelticFire says
To Michael I would Say “You should have discussed finances BEFORE marrying her to find out where she stands.”
To Jerry I would say ” It sounds to me like you are more worried about having money and your financial status than you are her. Pretty sad. It’s good to be money smart (which my husband is) but that is taking it a little too far. Quite frankly, if I was her, I wouldn’t marry you! If my husband would have said that to me, “I’m not marrying you until you have such and such.” I would have walked the other direction. If you TRULY love someone, you work things out together and you communicate about how you’re going to do that. I agree with Bebe….sounds like an EXCUSE and you just don’t want to man-up.
Suz says
“This happens when the borrower with student loans makes poor choices with their student loans and it hurts the future of the marriage. ”
What about when the non-borrowing spouse is the one who makes poor choices with the other spouse’s loans?
The borrower can have resentments, too, if both benefit from the loan, but only one has the noose around their neck.
Robert Farrington says
Very true. Debt breeds resentment if not handled well.
Juliet Cruz says
I’m not at the point of retiring any time soon.. but with the federal student loan debt i have.. i’m afraid may carry out.. although it is not my intention to have student loan debts when i retire.. but i have to be prepared.. i do plan on consolidating my loans..
My question(S)
1. If I am married and I default, will the government take money from my husbands retirement?
2. what provisions should I take?
3. I guess my main concern is that my husband does not get affected by my student loans.. like i said i don’t plan on defaulting..
I just don’t want my retirement money to be taken over my student loans… my goal is to save for retirement and make as minimum monthly payment on my student loans..
any advise?
Robert Farrington says
Hi Juliet,
1. No, they cannot take your husband’s retirement. However, they can take some portion of a joint tax return you file.
2. ?? Don’t know what this means
3. Then don’t default and work your debt together
My biggest advice is that you tackle your debt together, especially if you plan on being married forever. You’re a team, so act like one.
If you can’t afford your debt, get on a repayment plan where you can. There is never a reason to default.
Kay says
My question is my husband starts to pay back his college loans then stops. He is now a year behind. They won’t talk to me because I’m not on the loans. I would rather they take it out of his personnel checking account automatically. He had these loans way before we were married. I was unaware until we were married he had this large debit. How can I get him to start paying them back. I have been taking on more bills so he can do this. Please help. ..really frustrated.
Robert Farrington says
Hi Kay,
Family finances is always a tough subject. I’m a firm believer in the joint-pot method (it sounds like you have separate accounts right now). Both yours and his paycheck should be deposited into one account. No hiding money and bills. It sounds like you’re the more responsible one, so you should ensure all payments are made. Then, you can live on what’s left over.
You need to pull his credit report on annualcreditreport.com and see what else he’s hiding. Then call him out on it and give him the gameplan you want to pursue.
It won’t be easy, but transparency is key.
Charles says
My wife has $200k in student loans. We tried to buy a house this last summer. But with her loans we have to have $80k down payment. We are in California. If we was to get a divorce I could quickly qualify for FHA loan with 2% down. After we find our house we can remarry. Is this a possible way around this huge down payment because of her loans? I don’t think we will ever be able to pay off her loans or save $80k.
Robert Farrington says
Shop around for your mortgage. While you might not get an FHA loan, you probably can find one that can be 5% or 10% down.
Use a mortgage broker versus a bank.
Erik says
Hey robert i have a question .my wife has a student loan shes had it before we got married.the state takes my tax return so far every year.how can i get them to stop making me pay for it.if i file seperate could they still take my money if we file seperatelycause it is her debit not mine sincerely. Outrage husband erik
Robert Farrington says
If you don’t owe any of the debt being offset, you can ask that your share of the join return not be impacted by filing a form 8379 Injured Spouse Relief. Here is the info: https://www.irs.gov/uac/form-8379-injured-spouse-allocation
However, you are both a couple, so you should work together to get her loans out of default. By the IRS taking her refund, it goes to the debt collector and not to her loans. She will basically never pay them off going this route. Here is what you need to do: https://www.thecollegeinvestor.com/15577/student-loan-rehabilitation/
Adam says
My wife took out 50,000 for an online Master’s degree. We have since separated. Is this debt affecting my debt to income ratio since my social sec # is on the loan. Which, by the way, I did not agree to or sign anything. She just did it.
Robert Farrington says
Yes, it is because if you’re on the loan, you are just as responsible. If you didn’t agree to it, you should consult a lawyer about this.
Jeff says
my live in girlfriend has about 50 K in outstanding student loan debt. I know govt garnished her salary in the past. My question is::: if I open a joint bank or investment account with her, are there risks I can loose money? Thanks.
Robert Farrington says
In short, yes – if she is sued because of her debt and the debt collector wins a judgement, they can seize the assets in join accounts.
Typically, for Federal loans, this doesn’t happen – they stick to garnishments of wages, tax refunds, and even Social Security. If she has private loans, it’s more common.
If she is still in default, she needs to rehabilitate her student loans and get back on track ASAP. It sounds like you’re serious and this could jeopardize your combined financial future. Learn more here: https://www.thecollegeinvestor.com/15577/student-loan-rehabilitation/
Michelle says
My husband has around $50k in student loan debt. I’ve been reading about how to tackle it. I make more money than he does and he has been very conflicted about me helping him pay off his student loans. They were in default until recently and I made the first payment to right them. He promised he will make the next one. I think we should pay them off together so that we pay less interest over-time. We’re very recently married and still working on how much we want to combine our finances. I should be finished paying off my student loans in a few months and then would like to turn my attention to his. I’m a bit worried about his pride and I hope I won’t feel resentful over-time if other issues with money arise. Thank you for dealing with this topic here and looking at it from both sides. I don’t have much to add except to say that this seems like a common problem so anyone else going through it should not feel ashamed, guilty, or as if they are being taken advantage of, or are taking advantage of their partner.
Dahn says
Is it wise to avoid marriage to avoid paying back student loans? Hear me out, right now I am a stay at home mom with 3 boys, working part-time and taking classes here and there. We cannot afford the payments now for my loans so I am on a IDR payment plan that makes the payments zero. Honestly, my main fear is getting married that our payments will increase significantly considering his salary and we are worried we won’t be able to make the payments. This fear is frustrating, 15 years together and 7 years engaged, and I am worried about student loans. 6 classes away from graduating. I find this the weirdest reason to not get married… are we crazy?
Robert Farrington says
For your loan specifically, read this: https://thecollegeinvestor.com/17807/the-math-behind-married-filing-separately-for-ibr-or-paye/
For getting married, why get married? Just live together and stay engaged! Have fun!
Regina says
Hello Robert I’m wondering if you can offer us some advice. Both my husband and I have outstanding student loan debt. do you believe it would make sense to request an administrative hearing to explain our situation?
Robert Farrington says
What do you mean an administrative hearing? What do you need to explain? What are you currently doing with your debt?
Erica says
Hi Robert,
I had a significant amount of student loan debt (which my husband knew about) before we got married. He has helped to support me while 100% of my income is going towards my debt. This has been very difficult for him however as he believes that student loans are irresponsible (also, his work paid for his school.) Now, 18 mos later he has decided he doesn’t want to help me pay my loans anymore but we will have a joint checking account where we each contribute the same % from our paychecks towards joint household expenses. He makes alot more money than me and will have ~$3,000/mos leftover. All of my extra will be going to student loans. Is this fair/smart? How do I address this with him?
Robert Farrington says
If he doesn’t want to help, you should consider filing your taxes separately, so that you can get an income-driven payment you can afford. They net result will be that he pays more in taxes – which is silly, but maybe that helps him understand it’s a joint issue.
Read this: https://thecollegeinvestor.com/17807/the-math-behind-married-filing-separately-for-ibr-or-paye/