As a kid you think that your parents have been socking money away for your future college education. Then you grow up. And chances are that magical fund that you thought existed, doesn’t.
When you head off to college you really aren’t worried about things like student loans. You don’t even grasp what debt can really do to you. You just go with the flow and take out as much as money as you can in order to pay for school. In fact, it’s incredibly easy to get a student loan you might not even think much of it.
After a couple years you smarten up and realize how much debt you’re now buried in. And you wish your parents would have helped you cover the cost of your education. Or, do you?
Reasons Parents Should Help Pay For College
The average student loan debt for the class of 2016 was $37,172. And that’s just the average. Many students have found themselves buried in a much, much larger amount of debt. As a result, the average net worth of millennials is negative!
As a parent, the thought of my daughters starting their young adult lives out with that much debt is scary. I want to do everything I can to help!
Here’s why parents should help their college aged students financially:
- So kids don’t have to start their adult life’s making monthly payments
- Students can focus on education therefore improving their GPA instead of working full time
- Students can complete college quicker when they aren’t working full time
Just as there are advantages, there are also disadvantages to parents paying for their children’s educations. And each parent has to make their own decision when it comes to paying for college.
Reasons Parents Shouldn’t Help Pay For College
I’ve got to admit I’ve always felt that kids should bear the burden of paying for their own education, until I had kids, that is. However, financially, it typically does make the most sense for students to pay for their education (not parents).
While student loan debt is a burden, at least students can get loans. As a parent, you can’t get a loan for retirement – so if you blow all your savings (or even worse, take out Parent PLUS loans), you could be struggling to retire. You could even become the financial burden on your children you were trying to avoid.
Furthermore, I’ve seen so many friends and family members change majors three or four different times, take a minimal amount of courses each semester, and act so self-entitled when their parents pay for their education.
Then I talk to someone or read a story of student who’s paid her own way through college, excelled academically, and come out on top. And I think that’s the way to go.
Here are some reasons parents shouldn’t help pay for college:
- Students learn more responsibility and gain more real life skills
- Students remain more focused on education rather than party life
- Students learn the value of money and are therefore more prepared when they hit the “real world”
And I think if a student’s willing to put in the work she can find creative ways to help minimize the amount of student debt she needs to take out.
Meeting In The Middle
There are huge advantages to both helping pay for a student’s education and letting college students fend for themselves. Perhaps, the better solution is to meet somewhere in the middle. We’re huge advocates of financial balance with pretty much every financial decision. This decision doesn’t have to be “either/or”. It can be “and” – meaning that you can help pay for some college (maybe a set amount each year), and the student pays the rest. There’s no one size fits all here.
But by teaching children money management at a young age, parents can prepare their children to make smart decisions – like only taking out student loans for education rather than financing their lifestyle. And parents can still pitch in to cover the cost of education and leave a smaller portion for their college aged kids to pay.
It’s important to remember though: if parents don’t have the capabilities to help their children financially, they shouldn’t. But parents should have open and honest discussions with their student early on, so that there are clear expectations come senior year of high school.
What Do You Think?
I’ve always steered in the direction that it was best that parent’s do not help pay their children’s education. I’ve had to take care of myself starting at a pretty young age and I think I’m a better person because of that.
At the same time, I now have two young children. I want them to succeed. I want them to get an education and I don’t want them to start their young adult lives buried in debt. Which is why I’m thinking meeting in the middle is a better choice.
What do you think? Should parents pay for their children’s college educations?
squirrelers says
I recently wrote about this, and think that it really depends on the situation of the family. Ultimately, if you could do both, that would be great. Education (in my view) is more important than ever, and it’s also more of a problem for people to have onerous student loan debt. To the extent a parent can give his/her child a solid start in life with a good education and little debt, that seems ideal. That being said, I also think that the bottom line is that we can’t borrow for retirement, so those needs should be the top priority.
Robert Farrington says
You’re right about the balance. I think that ROI on the education needs to be considered as well. If the ROI is there, the parents should be more incentivized to help.
Marie @ Grad Money Matters says
If the parents can afford their child’s tuition fee, then for me it’s better if they would pay the tuition fee. My sister who is a first year nursing, she is a half scholar and we only pay the miscellaneous fees.
Robert Farrington says
Agreed – if they can easily afford it, I don’t think there is harm in paying it.
Dear Debt says
I wish my parents would have paid my college tuition, but paying for it myself has taught me an amazing work ethic and understanding of money I don’t know if I’d have otherwise.
Charlie Smith says
Putting most of the burden on students helps students be creative and flexible. Also as someone who pays for most of his way through school modest federal loans and working I have so much appreciation for the education. I appreciate all the struggles and hard-work it took for me to be able to attend a top-notch school. It makes the experience more personal and important to the student because I have a lot invested in the process.
Chuck Sultzman says
My parents and grandparents were multi-millionaires. My mother was deceased and my father remarried. My grandmother was widowed. Not one of them lifted a finger to help me. After putting myself through two years of pre-med and earning an A- average in all the core sciences and math through calculus, they still wouldn’t help. I was exhausted and in what I thought at the time was a lot of debt. I gave up any hope of going to medical school or graduate school at all for that matter.
If parents are able and a student is motivated and in a demanding program. parents should pay the full expense. If your child wants to study art or philosophy, let them pay for half and take their time until they realize they have learn a marketable skill. In short, look at it case-be-case.
We paid for everything when our three children went to college. The two older ones are successful in their careers. The youngest is a homemaker. I haven’t regretted a single penny.
Jim says
Multimillionaires and didn’t lift a finger? I find that rather sad & heartless.
Rick says
Yes, Yes, YES! I’m a millennial and this is what I have learned. I will never think twice about having a child unless I can afford to provide him/her my time, my love, a quality education, college funding from age 0. It is becoming ever more important to ensure that your child has every possible advantage necessary to succeed in this very competitive world. Long gone are the days of ole, where you could just get by being average. The world no longer wants average, it demands EXEMPLARY and nothing less. If you don’t have the resources, time, or interest in setting up your child for greatness. Please for their sake, do not have any.
Dawn says
I find your comment to be cold and heartless. A parent should provide for their children’s education, food, housing and medical care until they are eighteen, and love for the rest of their lives. To say that all children whose parents won’t or can’t do more than that shouldn’t be allowed to exist is incredibly cruel. In fact, to say that a child whose parents don’t even provide the basics I’ve mentioned doesn’t deserve to live is terrible also. People can rise above their circumstances…they should be given the opportunity to choose for themselves.
Sean Barrett says
Yes, parents should help pay but kids need to have “skin in the get”. The best recommendation that I’ve heard is for the kid to take out loans for the whole education and parents to promise to pay off loans if the kid:
1) Graduates in a reasonable time
2) Goes into a field that can deliver a livable income
3) Don’t expect parents to pay for lifestyle choices: car, food, spring break trips, excessive “special fees”, and latest tech.
I have twice as much saved for my daughter’s education as my three degrees cost. Combined.
Charles says
Well I think that parents should at least help pay off a little of the tuition fees, just so it doesn’t take them years after they graduate to pay it off.
Devon says
Well I believe kids should pay their own tuition. So they can learn first hand about saving, and spending
The Man says
I was 1 (and a twin) of 5 children in my family. I did NOT receive financial assistance from my parents while I went to community college, and took all the students loans in my name (parents co-signed). I graduated college in 2008 during the recession, with about $15k in student loans. I have since paid off all of the students loans without any need for help.
My oldest sibling had his first years paid for completely from my parents at a much more expensive college and flunked out because they decided to party instead.
My other sibling did not go to college until after they had a good job and decided to further their career and took classes while still working. They paid for themselves.
Another sibling had their first couple years paid for by my parents, and they didn’t even know what they wanted to pursue. The first two years were “General Studies”. They did find a good career that they wanted, and have been very successful in that career.
My twin was in the same situation as myself and paid for their schooling, but has not used that degree in a career, and has continued working a job that they easily could have gotten right out of high school.
Bottom line, it is a gamble as to whether the child in college will use their parents money to make something of themselves or not, it depends on the person. I would have NEVER wanted my parents to give up a retirement because of my career (or in other people’s cases, the lack of a career after graduating).
I am now a stepfather, and I had not started saving a penny for education for a prospective student (in the next couple years), that over the life of. 4 year degree would cost $120k. My wife at the time was a single mother that could not afford to save extra money for college choices.
I would love to be able to afford to pay for their education but we are far from financially being able to do that, and we do okay as a middle income family with me working 2 jobs to save extra money for real estate investments that will solidify of financial future and retirement.
How does paying for their kids education (or co-signing on loans) on over $100k help if the parents go into serious financial debt, not have a retirement, or losing their home (because of co-signing on loans that neither the student nor parents can afford) help the student?
The parents won’t be able to help their child in the future if the need housing, food, financial assistance.
The parents will be a burden to their kids as they get older because of no retirement or other savings.
Is this really the scenario that parents are forced into, paying for their kids college or having no retirement and sacrificing their own future, as well as future to help their children?
Jennifer says
It doesn’t matter what I think. The colleges have an expected family contribution. If the kids don’t qualify for all federal loans or work study then I’m stuck co-signing or taking out a. Parent loan. I still have my own student loans. I will not get a loan for retirement.
Robert Farrington says
Of course it matters what you think! If the government told you to jump of a bridge because everyone is doing it, would you?
You never have to pay for your children’s college if you don’t want to and/or if it’s not financially viable for yourself.
Think about this: you may think you’re doing them a favor now. But if you don’t take care of your own finances, you’re just going to go broke in retirement (if you can even retire) and end up being a burden to your children later. I’d rather see your children get creative in paying for college and you becoming debt free – and then saving for the future – than you giving more of what you don’t have now, and having to move in with your kids when they’re in their 30s and you have nothing left.
D says
We won’t be paying for our kids’ college education. We just can’t. We are comfortably middle class, but, like most people pulling the oars aboard the S.S. Middle Class, we will be lucky if we are ever able to fully retire. Our daughters are currently 13,11, and 9, and all three know it. We’ve openly discussed it with them since they were in elementary school. As a result, our eldest, who performs very well academically, is trying even harder in school and music so that she will be able to hopefully receive an academic and/or music scholarship. Our middle daughter, who is not as academically gifted as her sister, but has excellent interpersonal and leadership skills, plans to use ROTC to pay for college, and, after she graduates, serve as a naval officer. Our youngest is sort of a devil-may-care type…with everything. However, she’s extremely creative and outgoing, and I have confidence in her creativity and drive to succeed at things she cares about.
I worked my way through college (a full-time job and a part-time job, while taking 15-21 credit hours) and paid rent, a car payment, utilities, insurance, and other living expenses on top of it. My parents paid for my brother’s tuition, and he still hasn’t figured out how to successfully “adult.”
Chelsea Ketchum says
My father was very vocal about letting his kids know he was not going to pay a penny for any of his 4 kid’s college. As a result we all participated in multiple extracurricular activities in high school, worked hard to get 4.0 GPA’s, took concurrent enrollment or AP classes to earn college credit while still in high school, and all got full ride merit scholarships to college. My parents said if we wanted to live at home during college that would be free food and boarding, but when we wanted to move out we had to pay for those things ourselves. I worked nights as a waitress and took the city bus to college to save on gas and parking when I wanted to live on my own at 21. All 4 of us are financially responsible adults in our 30s.
I graduated high school in 2001 when not everyone went to college. Post recession college is now the standard, and a master’s degree is becoming the norm to get an edge in many fields. The cost of college seems to have doubled from when I went thanks to the degree demand. I now have a son and am saving $100 a month for him. I don’t plan on telling him I am saving and will do a Mom Scholarship when he goes to college if he doesn’t get any merit-based scholarships after high school. He has to pay everything for his first semester, then if he passes all of his classes I will pay him a scholarship for his next semester. Dave Ramsey has a similar Dad scholarship he gave his kids.