You’re in college. You’re on the path to an amazing career and a bright financial future. Since you’re reading this blog, I’m willing to bet you are a step ahead of the pack.
You care about your financial situation and you are mapping out a plan for eventual financial freedom.
But, how many of your peers can say the same?
The Spoiled Adult Children Epidemic
Parents taking care of their adult children is something in my career that I see all too much. I mean really, should parents buy their 23-year-old children new cars and pay their insurance?
I don’t think so.
I see this daily in my job and I see it in my personal life as well.
When I turned 18 my dad gave me all of my own bills. Sure, he would help me out if I really needed it but I paid my car payment, insurance, bought my food, and ventured out on my own at a very early age.
I wouldn’t accept money from him even if he tried to give it to me. I have always had a strong sense of independence and it felt wrong to ask my father for money no matter what financial mistakes I had made.
However, this is not the case of my brothers. At age 21 and 24 their rent, car insurance, occasional utility bills, and at times gas and parties are still funded by my father. And, more than likely they always will be.
The result? They’re losers. They have no drive, no ambition, and no goals. But, why would they? They have a mediocre life handed to them. Why work hard for something more when they barely have to work at all?
Sadly this is the case of many, many adult children in America today.
When Parents Push Money in Your Face
I want to disclose that I don’t think it’s awful to occasionally let your parents help you out financially. If you are giving it your absolute all then you may have no other choice. And, borrowing money from parents is better than taking out a payday loan any day.
As a parent myself, I would do anything in the world for my two kids. The majority of parents feel this same way. They don’t want to see their children struggle or go without . . . anything.
Personally, I would never accept a dime from my dad. As an immature child I may have thought my dad was rich. As an adult I can see that those thoughts were far from the truth. I realize what financial burdens my brothers are to him and it makes me sick.
He loves his children. He thinks he is helping. He just doesn’t see that he is enabling two of his adult children to do as little as humanly possible. He doesn’t know how to stop.
So, if your parents are pushing money at you but you know you can make it on your own, resist the money at all costs. Be polite. Let your parents know you appreciate the gesture but you’ve got this on your own.
If you take unneeded help from your parents too often you will come down with the spoiled adult children syndrome and all of the negative associated consequences.
Why Help from Your Parents Should Be a Last Resort
I’m sure you can think of a least a couple of your peers who seem to have it made. Their parents pay for everything and at times you can’t help to be a little envious.
Really you’re the lucky one.
Adult children who have everything given to them from their parents often lose sight of their own goals. They don’t get to experience the character-building that trying to make it on your own instills. They often have a horrible work ethic and bounce from career to career.
They have no drive, ambition, and develop a sense of self entitlement.
This creates a vicious cycle. Before long they are so dependent upon the money from their parents that they can’t fathom surviving financially on their own.
They turn into spoiled, often depressed, adult children. And their parents wonder where they went wrong.
You Should Thank Your Parents
It can be hard for parents to hold back from over-providing for their children. If your parents were strong enough to do this you should thank them.
They gave you the opportunity to learn valuable life lessons. You know what barely scraping by feels like, the importance of picking the right career, and the value of financial freedom. That is something that money cannot buy.
What are your thoughts on the increasing support parents are providing their children?
Alexa Mason is a freelance writer and wanna be internet entrepreneur. She is also a newly single mom to two beautiful little girls. She chronicles her journey as a single mom trying to make it big at www.singlemomsincome.com.
Daisy @ Prairie Eco Thrifter says
I was never offered any financial help from my parents, nor would I have accepted it if I were. I worked hard throughout college to live on my own and get by with minimal student loans, because it was important to me to set myself up for a solid future. Doing everything myself may have been incredibly difficult and even a little bit depressing at times, but it gave me a lot of self confidence.
Marcia Putnam says
I’ve been divorced for 30 years. My daughter is 32 years old. When she was about 15 she ran off, missed school…I panicked. I called her father and he called her and told her, “If you go home I will spoil you for the rest of your life”! And he has. He pays her bills, he bought her a house and pays the note. He buys her the newest iPhone, iPad, television, upgrades to her house…hardwood floors, painting, new doors, a $20,000.00 pool table, her car note. She graduated from a very expensive private school (6 years!!!!) with a entrepreneur business degree, then she insisted she wanted a real estate license. Her dad paid for all that too. She works for her dad every now and then…but he pays her $100.00 dollars an hour.There is more, but I know y’all get the picture.
She really doesn’t care much about me. I’ll text her, call her, etc…but it may take her a week.
I think she hates me. I dont make the money her dad does. She’s nice to me on Mother’s Day, my birthday, and Christmas. That’s it. I feel emotionally abused. What should I do?
Paul says
I am sorry for your pain, I’m sitting with it now. I am a single dad of two adult daughters. I raised them myself since they were very little as their mom wanted nothing to do with them and only sought out men with money. I tried the best I could to give them that which was denied me when I grew up, a parent’s time and love. Their mother remarried a millionaire and when he passed a few years later she remarried for a third time a multi-millionaire and then turned her sights on her children trying to buy them back, new cars free rent paid for their own houses food insurance medical for $5,000 a month every month since they’ve been 18. She swore to me one day she would turn my children against me and she is an extremely tenacious person when it comes to things like that. To make it a little harder in my own family I have 3 Sisters yet I am the only producer of children and so no shortage of spoiling came from them and my mother so my kids just kept getting money and became spoiled.
While I am proud to say they have both accomplished very difficult degrees in college and have graduated. My oldest hasn’t spoken to me in 3 and 1/2 years when at the age of 25 and her seventh year in college ask me for $500 for rent for during the summer because she wanted to go party and not get a job. When I wrote to her, a carefully worded letter and explained how it was not her fault that she has become entitled, that was the end of it .She has refused all communication attempts from me, phone text email she wants nothing to do with me, 3 1/2 years.
My younger one, also college graduate with professional degree but on many anti depressants tries to manipulate me with her depression and the other ways of manipulation. I fell apart for 2 years, unable to understand how they can treat me this badly when I did so much to care for their needs emotionally physically mentally growing up I gave more than I thought that I had and they’ve just spit on it.
You’re lucky that they even contact you on the holidays mine don’t. My youngest just totaled her car the other day it was her fault she doesn’t have a job but she had a brand new car in 36 hours. She lays around doing nothing not using her brand new degree in any way shape or form and just asked me for money so I wrote her a very carefully worded letter telling her how proud I was and she could get a part-time job in her field and easily make $50 an hour, she turned on me, told me I didn’t care about her and I haven’t heard from her since nor do I expect to.
I have let it control my life I’m sad most of the time I lost many friends because I shut myself off for so many reasons. Some days are ok, I think when it get close to the holidays it gets a little harder. My own family, my elderly mom and my three sisters see nothing wrong with their granddaughter and nieces and continue to spoil them and send them money and tell them that they are right and their father is wrong. They had not 5 minutes of actual parenting in their lives yet they are easy to give out their opinions on the subject.
I turn off all commercials or shows that show families or anything with fathers and daughters as it makes me very sad. Overtime the pain doesn’t go anywhere but it does get more manageable but the holidays are rough. Stay strong. I have read other things about adult children who reject their parents this is the first time I’m voicing my story, in the hope that it gets out of my head so I can do other things today
Annie says
Paul, I am so sorry for your pain. I wish you weren’t experiencing this. Here is a brief explanation of my current situation with my daughter. I hope if nothing else it helps you to not feel alone. You are in my thoughts. The holidays are very difficult.
Hello, I am currently four years separated from a 21-year marriage. I have two children. My daughter is 22 and my son is 19. I am a good mother. I love my children and we were close and did a lot of things together. I never missed an activity they participated in and I have always been an honest, hard-working role model. My husband was a very involved father as well. He and I grew apart over the years because I believe the children became too much the center of things in our life. We lost our way and as the kids approached college years we saw that we didn’t know each other anymore. I was the one to end the marriage. Honestly, it was already over, it was just the paperwork that needed it finalized. When I went to file for divorce I discovered many things that showed my husband was living a double life. He had always done our income tax returns and I found out that after starting his own business three years earlier, he said he had filed them but never did. I also discovered 11 years earlier that he had prepared my mom’s taxes after my dad died and he stole her identity and got a credit card in her name and spent $7,000. My family never told me because they didn’t want to see my young kids with a split up family. And I also discovered he had a girlfriend. My kids asked me about these things as they were unraveling and I was honest with them. My son informed me that when he and his sister were in middle school he discovered on his dad’s computer that he had been hooking up with other women. My son told my daughter and she told him not to tell me or I would leave their dad. They confronted their dad and he brushed it off and it was never brought up again until they told me when I filed for divorce. It was four years ago that I left their dad. Even though I will admit it seems hard to believe I did not know about these things, I did not. I was busy raising my kids, working, and when my husband said he filed the taxes, I trusted him. I am guilty of trusting everyone I love.
That was four years ago that I found it out and filed for divorce. My husband was the breadwinner. I always worked but worked around taking care of my kids. Right before the separation I got a job at a local university. It meant free tuition for my kids and me if I wanted it. It was $32,000 a year for free. My daughter started that year. I went back to school too and my son is now in his second year. I don’t have much money until I graduate in May but they won’t have a tuition bill because of me. I have done my best to put myself back together. Since the split I have trained for and ran a full marathon and am months shy of earning my bachelor’s degree. My daughter and I will graduate together.
The thing is, since the separation, my daughter blames me. My son is good to me and is not happy with his dad but maintains a relationship with him. My daughter gradually pushed me away until where we are at now.
In February of this year she wanted some baby pictures to make something for her dad’s birthday. I have all the baby pictures and her dad and I still had to work that out and she was living in a sorority house so I explained to her that I didn’t want her to just take the pictures from my apartment but i would pay $80 to have 200 pictures scanned as individual jpegs and put on a flashdrive and I bought a $30 scanner and said she could come over and scan as many as she wanted to her computer or flashdrive and make copies. I hurried up and did this in time for her dad’s bday. She came by my office and picked up the flashdrive. She was mad I still wouldn’t hand them over and said she was going to come to my apartment one day and just take them. I told her no she wasn’t. I know this is a crappy situation but this is the solution I came up with and I want her to respect it. I even went and got the pictures and took them to my office for two weeks because she kept threatening to come take them because she had a key to my place but hadn’t been there in six months. After two weeks I put them back in my apartment. Fast forward nine months and one day I wanted to look up my kids blood type and I thought it was recorded in their baby books. I went to get them and they weren’t there. I looked everywhere. I texted her and she said yes she took them back in February like she said she was going to. I felt completely violated. I told her I demanded she give them back. She called me terrible names and said it wasn’t happening that she was going to give them back and I really didn’t know what else to do so I told her I would file a report with the police or she could just give them back, it was her choice. She told me I was a psycho and after her brother stepped in she decided to give them back. And I asked for my key back saying that she is still welcome to come to my home but she can’t be trusted with my key. That was at the end of October and a week and a half later I texted her and said “what has to happen for us to get past this?” I didn’t apologize because I don’t feel I did anything wrong but she didn’t respond. I invited her and her brother to Thanksgiving dinner like we do every year. My son came to the dinner. She texted me the night before and said she won’t be coming because she feels I need to apologize. I told her I was sorry she felt that way but that I don’t have anything to apologize for. I am heartbroken and miss her terribly. I love myself though and don’t believe in the disrespect. She called me horrible things I can’t type here. I couldn’t believe my own daughter said that about her own mother. Can anyone help me to know where to go from here? It hurts so much and I do fear she will continue on with life without me and her dad supports anything that leaves me in the dust. I appreciate your response. ~Ann
Pete says
Time may heal but the dynamics of relationships continue to change. Maturity comes at a price and often our children must learn to respect their parents. Our children often feel entitled to our lives and disrespect us. They will learn with maturity. Be patient and see her evolve over time.
Angie Clarke says
Thank you so much for sharing! I so feel your pain!! Im sorry for anyone to have to go through this because it is a heart wrenching pain
Josie says
I made the same mistake. I often wondered where I went wrong because I thought that giving my son the things I didn’t have would soften the stress of going to school and allow him to become successful in life once he graduated. He quit college having only one more year to graduate and obtain a bachelor degree. Now, after a fallout we had where I told him to “get his act together”. He moved out and now has an apartment in an unsafe, poor neighborhood with his girlfriend (who is in the same boat) and works earning minimal pay. He lost his car and driving privileges for a year in the state he now lives.
Was this the future I wanted for him? Absolutely not.
I feel nausea every time I think about his circumstance. But, he is stubborn and says “He’s fine”. Is he? But, I can’t (and refuse) to go back the enabling pattern I have created.
MakintheBacon says
My parents spoiled my sister and I constantly. Especially my dad. They still do, but more so in free groceries here and there now that I have my own house. (My bf and I used our own $ for the downpayment). I actually wanted more independence and almost had to fight for it. That was one of the main reasons I had to go away to university.
This may be a generalization, but it may have been a culture thing. My dad wanted me to stay at home until I got married. I was like, No way Jose!!
Michelle says
Like Daisy, I never received help as well. However, I do know of so many people who receive help. My friend recently bought a house and they realized they couldn’t afford it. Their parents paid for the down payment, all of the furniture, and are currently buying them weekly groceries. It amazes me since neither of their parents are well-off.
Money Beagle says
My parents did a great job raising me to be financially independent. They helped me out with a little spending money through college and such, but once I hit the real world, I realized that they had instilled a lot of great knowledge in me. I saved, and was the first person of my friends to buy my own place. I have to say that the biggest method they used to teach me solid financial principles was by setting a good example. Above all, this is the most important thing parents can do for their children if they want to learn good money habits.
From Shopping to Saving says
My parents definitely made me fend for myself during college. I’ve worked since I was 15, and I innately just have the drive/ambition to be independent so I’ve just always shyed that way. There’s definitely a difference in having your parents help you and shield you from the real world vs. fending for yourself. I just wish my parents taught me how to save when I was young, but actually if they did, I may not have learned as much as I do about PF since I got myself into consumer debt during college and had to pay it all off on my own too without their help or advice!
Joshua Rodriguez says
Hey Alexa, thanks for the great post. The truth is, I never accepted money from my parents. It was offered several times but, I like to do things on my own. I really think it’s better off that way. But, my parents aren’t those rich, throw money around like it’s nothing kind of parents. Just like most of the rest of the U.S., my parents struggled for a long time and still struggle to some extent. So, the way I look at it is, they gave me life, they paid my bills for 18 years, who am I to ask for another dime or accept one if it’s handed to me?
LR says
Wow, sadly this is a shocking take on this point these days. Our 19 year-old quit college after 1 semester, blatantly voiced refusal to help out around the house (all she had to do was load the dishwasher every night) as she said she was never there, and told us she hated us when we demanded she begin pitching in financially since she no longer was a student and held two jobs. She refused stating that although she could afford it, she didn’t feel she should have to. We replied, “Perhaps it’s time you spread your wings and fly.”
Weaselina says
Oy, I hope you followed through and put her out in the real world to help her move past her entitlement.
I am currently campaigning for my partners entitled 19 year old to go do something in the world other than hide in my house. He is breaking the law a lot, getting arrested, and was even accused by his ex gf of rape, and i seem to be the only one that can see what he needs is a dose of reality where he can burn off his energy by supporting himself instead of acting like a chid who has the rights of an adult.
PK says
My parents cut the cord after I got my degree, but (hilariously) we shared a phone bill to avoid the early cancellation fee for a bit. I was mainly on the front edge of the curve of spoiled adult children, but I ran into plenty of the type at USC (one nickname: the University of Spoiled Children!).
“should parents buy their twenty three year old children new cars and pay their insurance?” – Well, I say no, but the law seems to say yes. I’m not a huge fan of this “adult children on medical insurance” thing… but then again I had my college insurance and transitioned to job insurance within a few months of graduating.
Emily @ evolvingPF says
My parents paid an arm and a leg for my private undergrad education so they have done more than enough for me!! I became financially independent from them shortly after college and haven’t looked back. My husband and I accept gifts from our parents but nothing ongoing or dependence-inducing. My MIL is very generous and often offers to buy things for us (most recently to hire professional movers for our move next month) but we politely decline.
My parents are perpetuating dependence in my two younger siblings, though. At 26 and 23 they are still living with or on our parents. I don’t feel that I should say anything about it, though, because their educations haven’t been anywhere near as expensive as mine. I am concerned about how they are going to transition out of this state without becoming dependent on a SO/spouse, which is a recipe for disaster.
Christina says
I’m so interested to know how you are all doing nearly 5 years later! If you can, update….please
WalletEngineers says
One of my roommates in college was fortunate enough to have their tuition, rent, and even an additional 500$/month spending allowance from their parents. Back then I was jealous of this as I was hard up working a full time job while going to school for my engineering degree. How ever when the money train ran our watching him couch surf for 3 months was nothing to be envious about. Now looking back I could never thank my parents enough for teaching my financial independence at a young age.
SavvyFinancialLatina says
My parents spoil me in their own way, but they don’t enable me financially. They helped me through college. It was a big deal for them, as they don’t have a lot of money. But I did work very hard to get scholarships to pay most of my way.
jacob | iHeartBudgets says
I started taking on bills and such at the age of 16. At 18, I moved out, and have been independent ever since (well, except when I moved back home for a few months at a time between apartments). My parents would have helped, but were horrible with money, and I’m glad I had to learn to fend for myself. Handouts from parents don’t teach anything, and hurt both parties involved. I’m super excited to teach my kids about handling money and show them how to take care of their own expenses. But I won’t let them go homeless or anything ……. if they are making good choices. 🙂
Andy Hough says
This wasn’t ever an option for me. My mom was pushing me to work at an early age. I know she would provide me money in an actual emergency but otherwise I’m on my own. And that is probably how it should be.
krantcents says
I am very lucky that it is rare that my children need financial support. My children are adults and successful in their careers and can take care of themselves.
Squirrelers says
I think there is a balance, and there isn’t anything wrong in principle with a parent wanting to help his or her children. College expenses is a good example. However, if that help actually inhibits the grown child’s ability to survive independently if he/she had to, then it’s a problem. I suppose the best of both world is a kid who can totally operate independently and doesn’t rely on parents financially, and is able to take help without regressing or growing dependent on it.
Bridget says
Amen! If parents haven’t raised independent, self-sufficient contributing members of society, then they have failed their children.
SP says
I think it depends on your culture and upbringing too. In my culture (Indian-American), it is very common to spoil your kids with nice items, paid for college, luxury cars, etc. Yet Indian kids tend to still be motivated and have the highest income and education of any ethnicity. So why do some spoiled kids stay motivated?
Bluticia Blu says
Hello! Hello!
Financial Literacy needs to be taught much earlier than it is today (if it is taught at all).
An adult’s respect for money is learned at an early age and actions speak louder than words.
So Hurt says
My boyfriend allowed his 24 yr old Son to move in to help him thru a break up. Truth is no discussion was made to me about the future . Like what is the goal ? When will he be on his feet ? Etc. The Dad decided the Son is going to stay until he finishes college. That is 5 years real time . His Son however has not finished his AA degree (a two yr thing) in four and a half years. Now the Son makes $25,000 a year . Dad let’s him pocket all his money. The son only has 3 classes a week . This adult has taken over my boyfriend and his Son is now in full control . His friends come around on the weekend leaving no intimacy for us on our days off. Comes and goes as he pleases . No boundaries , goals to date . I couldn’t take it anymore so I left . It is all about his adult child with no consideration towards me . I have no say so and no power . Of coarse the Son watched this unfold but not once did he asked his father how he felt or what he can do to help. Mean while Dad pours every ounce of energy into his Son . I am left with nothing at all . It is so pathetic .
rock says
Look at it as a life experience. Never hook-up with other men who have raised, or who are raising, entitled adult children. If I were single again, I wouldn’t even consider any man who lets his adult children abuse and walk all over him, or any other freeloading relative. If he lets them abuse him financially, he will let them abuse you as well. It’s not worth the hassle. On a personal note, I had to tell my husband that I cannot be around a certain set of family members who have tried to take advantage of us financially. He finally agreed with me and cut off all communication with the abusive relative(s). Thank God! We’re finally feel free!
Jenny says
I am 23 years old and I currently receive ssi, and I help my parents with rent out of that. I suffer from depression. I dont consider myself a loser, I attend online college. I think that was quite harsh of you to say their losers. After all who are you to judge?
Lili says
I don’t think this article applies to people who receive SSI and are in difficult positions due to disability. That obviously cannot be helped.
I took this more as able-bodied people who depend on their parents when they have more than enough opportunities to be independent.
Umm says
I was raised in a family in which all of were expected to become doctors. I can honestly say it’s been very bad for me to be dependent on my parents — but in my own case, I have had some stubborn medical problems that have hindered my progress in life.. and I also have suffered from severe bouts of depression, alienation, loneliness, etc. through my 20’s. I am in my late 20’s now and am determined to become financially self sufficient. After reading plenty of articles like this I have realized that I have to admit where I have gone wrong and how I have allowed my parents to enable me. I think people have many reasons for enabling their children.. but now I realize how it has shaped a lot of negative aspects of my attitude and character… now that I know that.. I am totally humbled.. I’m just glad I can do my best to do what I have to do to change now.. and raise my own future children with more of a self sufficient attitude. I’ve got to stop taking my parents money!
Sanya says
I am also the one who has realised how spoilt I have been throughout these 23 years. I love my parents the most but they say I hurt them too. I realize they are right. They have supported an expensive education for me to which I could not commit justice completely.
Now having realized who I am: where should I start from in mending the ways?
I am a fresh graduate who doesn’t want to do job because of reduced self confidence borne of academic performance.
I would be humbled to your support and replies 🙂
rock says
You sound like a spoiled brat to me. My wealthy family never gave many handouts to me. In fact, they wanted me to work for the things I wanted. They did give me a very old car that barely ran well to get to college, but it did the job. It wasn’t worth much. I think I sold it at age 21 for $500. If I wanted a luxury car, I had to pay for it myself. And when I left home, at age 21, I got jobs where I had to ride a bike or take two buses to get to. When I saved up enough money, I purchased my first luxury car. I paid what is the equivalent to $34,000 in cash when I was 23 years old. Between the ages of 21 -23 I had to take the bus or ride a bike to work, love, and my family is very wealthy. I am so glad that they taught me how to be financially independent and cultivate a solid work ethic leads to financial independence. Although I don’t take buses or ride bikes anymore – except to ride an exercise bike at our local country club — I learned how to be financially independent. That life lesson is priceless.
dude says
So who payed for your education? I doubt you had very many student loans if you bought a $34 000 car in cash at 23.
Lisa says
Your parents love you and have supported you too much! You say you don’t work becouse of low self confidence! Im not buying it! Didn’t your very expensive degree teach you respect for classmates, professors,roommates, drive you to get good grades, etc?
How did you ever graduate?
Your duty to yourself and your parents is to stop making excuses, get a job, and stand on your own two feet. You may have to live in a shabby apartment with hand me down furniture for a while and that’s ok, it’s part of life, and can be exciting! You will/can build a better life, and you will gain self confidence in yourself and make your parents proud! Take the knowledge that you have gained and apply yourself! NO MORE EXCUSES! We are all a little afraid but we make it happen!
rock says
I left home, age 16, lived independently while attending high school, found it a bit difficult, so I moved in with my grandparents, at age 17, right before I graduated. First thing they told me was that I had to get a job while in high school. I did have a job when I was living on my own in 11th grade, so I had no problem with the transition. When I graduated high school, not only did I have to hold down a job, I had to go to college and pay my very wealthy grandparents rent. Now I don’t know about you, but when your grandparents make what is now the equivalent of $24,000 a month — that’s right, it’s not a typo — you have to wonder what is going on here. I had to pay them rent when I turned 18, get my own phone line (we only had land lines then), clothes, credit cards, etc. They did pay for my college (I mean they were loaded!), and fed me. However, I had to pay for everything else myself. No way was my family going to hand me over a credit card, clothes, phone line etc. And if I was living with them today, I would have had to pay for my own cell phone and whatever other expenditures I may have incurred. I came from a very well to do family. I don’t understand how some parents just hand kids over a credit card and then pay for it?! In fact, they just told me how to obtain my own credit card, without their help. By age 19, I had my own credit card, and only I was responsible to pay it back. All I can say is, by the time I turned 21, they told me to leave. They said I was old enough to make it on my own. Surprisingly, they gave me all the rent money back. I had no idea they were going to do that. They just wanted me to get a taste of the real world. At first resented it all, but looking back, I am so glad they taught me a bit of tough love. I would hate to end up like the spoiled brats out there that feel entitled to everything. There is nothing like being financially independent because you have your freedom to do whatever you want. When you are financially dependent upon others, you open yourself up to manipulation.
Lee Ann O'Leary says
I am so impressed with most of the comments made here. I was beginning to think that this entire generation was lost. Your posts have given me new hope. Our adult children didn’t appreciate the help we provided them while they attended college. They invaded our privacy including our finances and decided we could afford to give them more. One son lived in multiple cities and seemed to think we should pay his rent in an extravagant apartment while we lived in a poor, rural town. Granted our financial situation had improved significantly since we no longer had to pay alimony and child support but we did not feel we should pay for his extravagant lifestyle choices. He was an MD at the time with a housing allowance. Another child had a degree but wanted to pursue an acting career in comfort I guess at our expense. When that didn’t work out, she decided to use her degree and now has a well paying job. They are intelligent, capable people with a pathologic sense of entitlement. They secretly planted cameras and microphones in and around our home and proceeded to record and stream our privacy to the internet. They apparently wanted to embarrass us for not paying for their lavish life style choices. We helped them with college tuition at over priced universities that they chose without consulting us. They seemed think that the student loans they took out for their over priced education was our debt to pay. They never discussed with us such choices. We assumed we were helping them, not supporting them as they were no longer minor children. Maybe the law should be changed if the consensus is that parents should pay for their children to attend college. We did nothing illegal but have been treated as such because of this situation. We will never know if they would have betrayed us as they did if we would have given them all that they demanded. But it seems that people who are so profoundly entitled and capable of these sort of criminal acts could never have enough. It is refreshing to know that there are independent, well adjusted young adults out there. Thank You so much!
Mary Ann meyer says
You should see if the statute of limitations is up on them streaming you on the internet without your consent. Maybe a little jail time would break into their selfish reality.
Michael says
I am an adult in their early 20’s who has lived on their own since 18. I have paid my own bills, made my own mistakes and had my own experiences such as vacations, buying vehicles, dealing with ups and downs of life etc. and graduated from college.
Nothing annoys me more than having to see dirty spoiled brats who are on vacation with none other than “their parents” while I am on vacation trying to enjoy myself and have to walk away from their annoying banter if I have the poor luck of sitting next to one. Whose vehicles are registered in their parents’ names, their parents have them under their car insurance and health insurance. The parents co-sign for a place for these losers to love, even though they don’t have the income. If they have a job it’s because their parents “knew someone”. These losers can do NOTHING on their own accord. It’s extremely pathetic. What’s also puzzling is they are ALWAYS broke….it’s a mystery how this can be since they get everything paid for.
Now you might think it bothers me that these losers get everything handed to them, but it’s not even that. I come from a fairly well off family, but don’t have parents paying anything. It’s the fact that people like that have nothing else to do (since mommy and daddy handle all their bills) but make other people’s lives (who actually work and engage in adult life) miserable with their nonsense and drama. Every story out of these people’s mouths has to include their parents because they have no life experience of their own.
These types of people are well versed in manipulation of anyone around them due to their decades long practice they learned off none other than “their parents”. So most people don’t see them for the trash they are and instead view them as “fun loving” or nice, since these people have most fooled. In reality they are usually venomous and bitter people, jealous of anyone who succeeds on their own steam and will try to use their fake persona to bring them down. They have no drive and are weak minded.
Bottom line is if you are a loser who gets everything handed to you from your parents do everyone a favor and stay out of the way, adults have things to do an don’t need you injecting your self-inflicted drama into their lives. Stay away from productive people, we don’t like you and don’t want to associate with morons like you. It makes us lose brain cells.
Angela says
I started college and made some bad choices and didn’t complete my courses. I did not want to be a burden to my family and was extremely embarrassed, so I joined the military. It was the best thing for me. I learned alot about myself and was able to really help people, learned to be giving of my time and myself. I am now a SAHM but I help my husband with his rental property business. I have always wanted to be independent, in stark contrast to my brother who had everything handed to him. Not by our parents, but everyone else who did not understand parenting styles. People would give him guitars, cars, places to live since they thought our parents were too harsh. C’mon, we lived in suburbia, people! My brother is a master manipulator, always played the “I’m-a-victim-but-I-can-put-on-a-brave-face” card.
dude says
It’s hilarious when individuals whose parents paid for their education and who pay for their food, let them live at home, etc say they did it on their own. There are plenty of us who put ourselves through school while working, pay for our own food, clothes, books, transportation, student loans etc with not a dime handed to us from anyone. Not a dime. THAT is what it means to be fully self sufficient. There is nothing wrong with having your education payed for by wealthy family members, but don’t lump yourself into the same category as those of us who have thousands of student loans and have to feed/ shelter ourselves too. You just simply have it way way easier.
oh_geesh says
As a middle aged Dad who knows the college process well GOOD LUCK paying for college these days. Let’s see Texas A&M 23k, UT 26k, so unless you mean “I went to college any college” then maybe. Tell me what job a 18 year old gets while going to school fulltime and makes that type of money after they max out their 5750 in Fed student loans for the year? I don’t know many kids making $400 a week at 18 take home. Times have changed 🙂
Jack says
I am a month from being 26. I was 24 with an almost 1 year old daughter before I finally moved out on my own. I now pay for everything I own, apartment, car, insurance, bills, etc. No help. But that doesn’t take away the 24 years that my parent’s paid for everything. When I was 20 I was working less than 10 hours a week using the money I made for entertainment while my parents handled everything else. Through this last year I’ve had no help, but I still don’t have the motivation or fire to do better. I regret living under them like that, and it has crippled me. All it does is hurt the children. If my daughter was old enough for bring your parent to work day I’d be too ashamed to show up. Nothing good comes from hindering your child in such a way.
Mateo says
My partner has 3 children. The eldest lives on his own and is completely independent. The other two, her 26 year old son and 29 year old daughter live at home and do not contribute financially to the household nor do they help to maintain the home. They do not work and will not go out looking for a job unless it is something that mother has found for them through her connections and even then it is always only a short term temporary job. I cannot stand to be around her children anymore as they are unmotivated, lazy assholes. I work out of town and I’ve been working all summer and waiting to go on vacation and now our vacation plans have to change because her daughter wants to go with us! I can’t stand this anymore. I’m going to have to leave this woman although I love her very much, I just can’t stand the dependence of these grown adult children that have become a burden on our lives. She refuses to give them a push out the door and has told me to leave if I don’t like it. So I will take her suggestion and go.
Shay Patton says
Unfortunately I am in a situation where my widowed father does entirely too much for my 23 year old ungrateful son. He is currently upstairs having a fit because he can’t drive my FATHERS car to attend school because he was asked to clean his room (which includes multiple pieces of my silverware and dishes). Clean your room, and you can drive!!! That’s it. He said we are “hindering” him, even though he left to go to school before and we paid his rent and he has a 2.3 GPA. But…..he says he did his best. Some adult kids appreciate the help given, others like mine do not. He will be a user until the day my father passes on.
Bob says
My step daughter who is going on thirty three years old, divorced with one child that hasn’t works a job for two years straight asked my wife for 15,000.00 for a down payment on a condo. My wife is 60 years old with no retirement pension, Im 70 years old and work 75 hours per week. Yes my step daughter has a job finally who knows how long that will last. She is a real loser for asking her mother for the loan cause she will never make it on her own or ever pay it back. When I asked her who needs the money more you or your mother she said she does. Thats just a losers answer cause she lived in her mothers apartment that she was suppose to pay 300.00 a month rent and made three payments in a year and that was it. She is disrespectful and thinks her mother owes this to her for all the problems she brought upon herself, including high credit card balance etc. she is a real time loser that will never win and my wife cant see this so she is giving her the 15,000.00 to buy the condo that she will default on and be on the front porch asking for more. Sad isnt it
Drew says
I grew up poor so my parent didn’t have any money to give. ( I literally wore hand-me down pants from my grandfather). This wasn’t so bad, the bad part and where my parents went wrong was with fear. They were afraid to let me do anything, even letting me get a job. Looking back I feel stupid for being stuck in that reliant relationship towards them for so long. I was a very “good kid” and never rebelled against my patents due to my religious upbringing. At 26 I finally woke up, rebelled and left and am building my own debt free life. Take away lesson: don’t over protect your children, it’s easier for them to recover from failure in their teens rather than their late twenties and thirties. Cheers!
Jodes says
I am surely a worst-case-scenario example. Middle aged, depressed since late teens, had many prospects but haven’t worked a year. Parents, be warned: it is a trap your children might be powerless to escape. But just please also recognise when enough is enough. Don’t pile your insecurities onto your children.
Jessica says
My boyfriend is very depressed. I am newly turned 18 and i am about to move out. He is 21 ans he is still living at home with no job and no motivation. He told me today he is very sad and he doesnt know what to do. He knows he needs to work hard but he doesnt know how. He just wants a job that pays enough so he can go to work, come home to his apartment, and then play video games. I have tried to explain to him many times thats not how it works, but he doesnt truly understand it. He told me his dad asked him the other day what did we do wrong in raising you. He was spoiled!! He was given everything he ever wanted and it has costed him grately.
Oma r says
I was a fool to support my adult and his family. Now they live with me. Big mistake! My daughter-in-law is useless and immature. She spoils her children. My son is a loser and cussed me out when I try to talk to him. I asked them to leave which led to more cursing and anger. He has bad temper. I spent too much money on them.
MM says
My parents were barely able to support us. Example: mom hand sewed clothes for us, made from the 50 cent per yard clearance fabric, needle and thread from the fabric store, so we wore handmade clothes made from funny looking fabrics in odd colors. Our school bags were similarly hand sewn. We were ridiculed for our appearances. Dad and mom salvaged stuff for us from dumpsters and discarded items of family and friends. I had never eaten at a restaurant until I was in my mid-20s, when I could afford to buy my own restaurant food.
However, mom and dad’s focus was on our educations. Knowing that mom and dad would never be able to afford to send us to college, my sister had it in her mind that she would never have the financial means to attend, and she never did. However, I put myself through college, relying upon scholarships, tuition waivers, grants, loans and a minimum wage income. Graduated with honors with a professional degree, student body president, received the one recognition/award at graduation for my academic achievement, made my parents very proud.
In college, it seemed that I was the only student who wasnt able to use a meal card to buy lunch at the campus center. I brought my own food, because it’s all that i could afford. I would bring a piece of toast and nibble that throughout the day as my meals, or some rice. My food budget was between zero to 20 dollars for two weeks (more toward the zero end). I subsisted on toast, ramen and when i had more money, on beans and rice. You get really creative with those cheap food items when youre hungry…I once made “onion stroganoff” over ramen noodles with a small amount of sour cream, or butter-lemon stir fried ramen noodles. During school Classmates would invite me to join them for lunch at Taco Bell or the cafeteria in the campus center, but because I had no money, I told them i had to stay back and study. I envied all of those kids wearing nice clothing whose parents paid for their tuition, books, dorms, nice cars and meal cards, while those kids didnt have to work through school…their lifestyles seemed so foreign and way out of reach for me. Needless to say, while i attended school, studied and worked part-time, these more fortunate students were partying during their spare time. Typical at the dorms, the partying kids were famous for trashing and urinating on the common areas while in states of intoxication.
I believe that as bad as being spoiled and entitled, our lack of basic resources in our childhoods lef to my siblings and I being, to an extent, hardened in life. While our high school classmates were showing off jewlelry from their parents, we as kids worried about basic survival daily. I dont think its healthy to grow up the way we did. Even though Im very very successful today in my career and financially, there’s never a time when I don’t feel that Im on my toes.
Sss says
This conversation is like a year ago but anyways this is also my case. My brother is a 25 year old man who’s very demanding and spoiled. He’s been jobless for two years even though he has the requirements and capacity to work It’s just that he didn’t feel like working yet that it took him two years (of lazing around the house, watching anime and computer games) before he get his ass to work. He has this sense of self entitlement like it’s still my parent’s obligation and responsibility to feed him, cook for him, pay for his bills. He demands a lot of money to my parents every time he goes out with his friends. And he just can’t realize it up to this day that he’s being a burden to my parents. My father is getting old and I want him to stop from working but he can’t because he still have to provide for my brother and me. I’m still in high school but Im also working part time to fulfill my needs because I don’t want to depend too much on my sister and parents. It just stressed me how he’s being rude to us when we can’t keep up on his demands (like for example when my mom forgot to put his clothes on the laundry he went on tantrums like a five year kid and destroying things on house) he also abused me physically and threatening me whenever we get on arguments. That’s why i feel so uncomfortable around him
michele says
I’m dealing with this with my husband’s son. He is 23 years old and is just about to finish a program that has taken the past year. He decides he couldn’t work during it and my husband gave him $1500 per month living expenses and he was living at home with his mom rent free! He paid for nothing!
He has started and quit 4 programs since graduating high school 5 years ago so I’m glad he is finally finishing something.
Now, he will finish next week and has Already secured a job at $19 per hour, benefits and a company vehicle. He has a 2015 car that his mom bought him and there’s nothing wrong with it. My husband told me today that he took him to look at new cars…..brand new 2020 that cost over $50,000!!! Unbelievable! He wouldn’t dream of buying me a car and if he did he’d expect me to pay him back in payments. He was also talking about buying a house for his son to live in, too, because he would have a hard time paying rent on his pay.
Needless to say, it’s so annoying. The kid will never grow up or know what it’s like to fend for himself.
Rita says
I love this! Unfortunately my generation realized far too late that we were enabling our children to be irresponsible. And, it is a hard habit to break. My husband and I had to make our own way in life. And we have accomplished, achieved, and amassed a great deal. We thought that we should help our children so that they could do better than we did. Instead, there is a tendency to take more and give less. It makes me sad for this and the next generation!